What is it this time of year, with the temperamental weather and my corresponding moods? The Chinese New Year might be a more accurate turning over of a year. Perhaps I'm spending too much time alone again. Turning over everything. Sifting through the ashes of meaningless and unbeckoned thoughts. Feeling like I'm always out of time, racing against some anxious clock to an unknown destination. I'm looking for a goal, for sure, and feeling fairly unsettled in anything.
I'm house-sitting in town. I'm eating fine, local cheeses, local organic Envy apples on fresh baguettes. Life in the city has some definite perks. Like being within walking distance of nationally award-winning restaurants (a.k.a. inner Portland), getting together with friends at the end of the evening, having a neighbor who has been my friend for almost a decade. A temporary cat. It also feeds this disconnected feeling, unrooted in any space. I feel a lot like I'm about to take a leap and it's that moment of falling forward with no graceful way to land in sight.
It doesn't help that I'm on 8 days of sick now. There are deadlines too. Speaking of which